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lunes, 11 de agosto de 2008

Análisis de la Cenicienta


Mi madre hará unos cuantos años analizó el cuento de La Cenicienta, muy amablemente me ha autorizado a ponerlo en mi blog. A mi me pareció genial.


Si alguien hubiera amagado con una historia tan insípida para dormir a mi hermano, él hubiera reclamado a grito pelado un dragón, un monstruo, una miserable bruja malvada... Pero a nosotras, dale que achacarnos siempre con el mismo cuento.... y lo peor es que nos encantaba!!!
Yo, que no puedo sustraerme de mi línea conspirativa de pensamiento, creo que era una manera de prepararnos para el futuro:
- "Vos limpiá nomás, que el día que aparezca el coso del sombrero de plumita, con esos pantaloncitos de gay, te salvás para toda la cosecha" ... y nosotras, muy inocentes, seguíamos plumereando a lo loco. Ya desde los personajes, el asunto viene mal barajado...

Analicemos:
1. Cenicienta, además de haber tenido la desgracia de perder a sus padres (sin contar que las segundas nupcias del fulano habían sido por lo menos desafortunadas), era flor de chitrula. ¿Nunca se le ocurrió reclamar su parte de la herencia y mandarse a mudar? ¿Nunca la tentó la posibilidad de afanarse algunas joyas de las parientastras y tomarse el buque?
Y no me vengan con la opresión femenina, porque para la misma época Blancanieves, por salvar el pellejo, se fue a vivir al bosque y no con uno, ni con dos... sino con siete enanos...!!!
2. Las hermanastras y su madre eran pavotas o ciegas. ¿Cómo no la van a reconocer por más vestido de Armani que le haya conseguido el hada? A menos que la varita hiciera cirugías plásticas, cosa que no consta en los libros.
3. El príncipe debía ser flor de bagarto. No se me ocurre otro motivo por el cual el padre debiera organizarle un baile para conseguirle una mina... No estamos hablando de un Sastrecillo Valiente piojoso, ni de un Gulliver miserable. El tipo era príncipe...y si Carlos (el de Inglaterra y el idiota ex-presidente de acá) se pueden rebuscar solos los programas, éste o era el monstruo del pantano o medio tarambana (y miren que para ser más fuleros que los mencionados precedentemente hay que ser DE TERRORRRR!!!!).
4. El Rey estaba más loco que una cabra... mirá que proponerle al pibe que se case con la primera "a la que le entre el zapato"... ¿O estaba desesperado por sacarse de encima al príncipe Forrest...?

Como verán, todos los personajes de la historia están al borde (no voy a analizar el tema del hada madrina, porque no existe), conformando un cuento tan sin pie ni cabeza, que sólo nosotras podíamos escuchar una y otra vez sin poner en duda la salud mental del relator.
Ahora bien... la moraleja de Blancanieves es: "desconfía de los espejos parlantes" o "no comas manzanas"... la de Caperucita: "no comas nietas y abuelas en el mismo almuerzo" (dieta disociada para lobos) o bien "no agarres la autopista para ir a lo de tu abuela", o "no mandes a tu hija pequeña sola por el bosque, desgraciada!". ¿Cuál es la de La Cenicienta? "Callate y seguí limpiando".
Cenicienta es el paradigma de los finales felices, que consisten en conseguir un ñato al cual desposar (que se usará en adelante, para todas las novelas y comedias románticas de la historia, salvo "El Club de las Divorciadas"). Y de ahí a Susanita Chiruzi, todas las mujeres se pasaron la vida esperando al sujeto azul que viniera a salvarles las papas. La solución mágica, la respuesta a las plegarias antiplumero... En cambio los varones, meta Tarzán, Gulliveres, viajeros, Caballeros de la mesa redonda, o sea una vida interesante que no dependía de ninguna señorita de la limpieza ni de ningún patético "hado padrino" que les convirtiera los zapallos en BMW... a mí no me jodan, eso es un lavado de cabeza, una programación neurolinguistíca para futuras “príncipedependientes”, que después se completa con cuestiones como "hay siete mujeres para cada hombre", "si no se casó a los 30 algo malo tendrá", etc.

Yo propongo empezar a contarles a las niñas del nuevo siglo, más historias de Mafalda, que psicopateadas de huérfanas fregonas a la espera de bagartos de la realeza y mágicas varitas casamenteras.

17 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

Hala, otro mito destrozado. Menos mal que aún me quedan los Reyes Magos...

sergi m. dijo...

Por descontado, se trata de la eterna imbecilidad machista que poco a poco viene a menos, o eso es lo que debería pasar. Mi hija a los tres años se encontró una zapatilla mía en el pasillo y la ordenó en mi armario, en cambio hice la prueba con mi hijo años más tarde y la usó como si fuera un automóbil de carreras. No sé porqué, pero así fue y di cuenta de ello en el blog.

Me ha gustado el análisis de tu madre, debería tener un blog ;-)

Costarossa dijo...

que divertido. :)

Por cierto, enhorabuena por el blog, seguramente pasaré por aquí alguna que otra vez mas. Me gustan blogs personales más que nada.

Martikka dijo...

Enhorabuena por tu blog y felicita a tu madre por ese análisis de Cenicienta. Ahora debería analizar Blancanieves, que también tiene tela... Un saludo!

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